33 on 3: Day 1 Growth

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By: Micaela Shambee-Editor, MickeyStyle.com

33 on 3 Birthday Blog Project
Day 1: Growth

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” —Abraham Maslow

 

July 3rd I turn 33.

I hadn’t realized I’d missed my golden birthday. I, being only 3 years old when it happened, never got a chance to fully enjoy the cosmic glow of such a rare event. As a toddler, I mean, I was only interested in my juice.

Me and my Juice
Me and my Juice…True Gerber baby.

The thought didn’t cross my mind until a month ago, while I was writing in my office during my Internship as the Editor of The Drive Student Blog at Chicago State University (Literal Dream Job). I realized, in that moment, I was about to meet such a rare occasion.

On July 3rd, I turn 33.

Immediately I wondered, what the hell happened to time? Taking a break from studying for finals, sipping my black coffee (No sugar, Keto friendly), and gazing out the door of my office, I daydreamed about all the trials and tribulations it took to get to this point. Not wanting to face my dark past at work, I decided to turn to Google to see if this birthday would qualify as a “Golden Birthday,” as I’d never heard of anyone turning “33 on 3.”

I searched and found a definition. It read:

“A person’s golden or grand birthday, also referred to as their “lucky birthday,” “champagne birthday,” or “star birthday,” occurs when they turn the age of their birthday (e.g., when someone born on the 25th of the month turns 25 or when someone born on the ninth turns nine).” –Google

Grand Birthday…33 on 3? This must be my lucky, champagne, star birthday! My Super Golden Birthday.

This ↓ is what that looks like in my head  😀

 

As I mulled over this definition I realized their were two small problems. First, this definition didn’t exactly fit the idea I had in mind, and second, if it’s supposed to be my super golden birthday, why doesn’t it feel like it?

In my feelings
In my feelings…as usual

The glow is showing on my face but…

I have to admit, I really don’t feel so golden right now. Despite graduating recently with my B.A. in English (Professional Technical Writing Major, Class of 2018, woot, woot!), I have been going through an extreme process of purging. From relationships, to out-dated systems, to old papers (some from 2003, lawd!), to makeup I never use, and clothes I never wear, I have been doing a literal cleansing of my life and my soul.

Once the glow of graduating finally wore off, I knew it was time to do the real work in my life. I could no longer turn a blind eye to my shadow side.

Though I have accomplished quite a lot in my life, I feel the best is yet to come. Everything that is required of me in this next stage of life depends on my ability to walk with my pain and understand it, so that it doesn’t cross over with me.

Graduation Day May 10th...I was screaming on the inside, "finally!"
Graduation Day May 10th…I was screaming on the inside, “finally!”

The Process

I started this journey knowing that the process wouldn’t be pretty (as much as I wish it was). However, growth isn’t pretty. It’s ugly. For years, I have retreated to what was safe for me. I’ve focused on others, and their problems and situations to avoid my own, not realizing that I never had enough time for me or gave as much to myself as I did others.

And you know what they say on a plane, “Make sure you have your face mask on first, before helping someone else.” Unfortunately, I’ve been trying to put on other’s masks while free-falling straight to my own demise. 

Realizing that I didn’t appreciate myself enough to make sure I was okay was ugly. I cried. I slept to long. I snatched off my golden blonde wig. And I realized that acknowledging the pain puts me in a unique position to realize my power, my voice, and my strength.

Working my way through

Unfortunately for me, to understand how I got to this point, I have to go all the way back to the moment I veered off course, and when the depression kicked in…

This is my story…

Follow me on Instagram, and Twitter @mickeystyled and Facebook at facebook.com/mickeystyled for updates about my #33on3 challenge. Also, sign up with your e-mail to see the next chapter of my story, and get updates on new posts in the sidebar on the right.

Coming up next…

Day 2: Truth

1000 mistakes later…

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